What is Communication?Communication is not talking. It is not making sounds. It is not spraying into the atmosphere and culture a wave of words.It is the ability to get another to fully get and understand exactly and entirely what you want them to get and understand - also, conversely, it is the ability to get and understand exactly and entirely what another person wants you to get and understand. It is a set of very precise skills that can result in love, magic and a world of wonder. Or, it is the absence of those skills that can, and often do, result in a world of anger, grief, misery and despair. In my personal opinion, L. Ron Hubbard did a magnificent job of codifying the subject of communication. His book, Dianetics 55 is a treasure. His other writings on the subject exist in many places. An honest study of them will reap great rewards. In one of his axioms, Hubbard defined communication as follows: "Communication is the consideration and action of impelling an impulse or particle across a distance to a receipt point, with the intention of bringing into being at the receipt point a duplication and understanding of that which emanated from the source point." Basically, when you communicate you get the other person to create in his consciousness an exact duplication of what you are creating in yours, and you are getting him to understand exactly what you intended him to understand or feel. Do that and you have communicated. Fail to do that and you have not communicated. By definition, communication contains duplication and understanding occurring at effect. Thus, if you do not get the person to duplicate and understand what you intended to get them to duplicate and understand, YOU HAVE FAILED TO COMMUNICATE. It is 100% your failure, and this is wonderful. For if it is entirely your failure then it only requires you to fix it. If you say the failure was partially the other person's fault, then you have given up the possibility of your being able to handle it entirely yourself. If you are willing to assume full responsibility, full cause, for your failure to get the other person to fully duplicate and understand, then you have the opportunity to handle the failure and achieve success. All you have to do is improve the appropriate communication skills. I do not mean to imply that there are not people who are difficult to communicate to. Some people have spent years developing the ability to not duplicate and not understand. However if you would communicate to them, it is your responsibility to develop the skills necessary to get that person to duplicate and understand. Blaming or negatively judging them will not work. When I say it's your responsibility, I simply mean if you want to get someone to understand, then you must develop the skill necessary to make it happen. By failure I simply mean that you recognize that you didn't get them to understand. Shame, blame and regret will just complicate the failure. The idea, and the only real resolution of the situation, is to get them to duplicate and understand. In other words, to successfully communicate.
The Elements of CommunicationMastering communication consists of mastering a number of skills. An old geometry principle says that the whole is the sum of its parts. So it is with communication. There are a number of specific and exact skills that add up to the ability to communicate well with anyone or anything. Mastering communication consists of mastering each of these skills.The idea here is to take each skill, ONE AT A TIME, and focus on that skill. Drill it. Concentrate on it. Practice it in real life until you can do it flawlessly. Then go on to another skill. Then do it again, focusing on any skills that are weak. To some this may seem like a lot of work. Well, they are right. It is. To the wise, this work is the gateway to everything they want in life. The following is a brief summary of some of the key elements of communication.
Confront and ConfrontingWhen you confront something you face up to it. When you confront a person, you face up to them. This doesn't mean that you are belligerent. It simply means that you can COMFORTABLY PERCEIVE the person or the thing you are confronting. You are not embarrassed to look at the person or thing. You are not flinching or ducking. You are confronting. You cannot effectively communicate to someone you can not look at or someone you cannot face. So the first step in mastering communication is gaining the ability to face up to people and things comfortably. When you can do that, they appear real and bright. When you cannot, they appear very unreal and they, and the world, seem foggy and dull.Simply going out and practicing the ability to look at things without flinching or even thinking can go a long way to improving your communication and life mastery skills.
Getting a Person's AttentionIf you cannot get a person's attention, then you cannot communicate to them. If you start communicating to them before you get their attention, they will miss the first part of what you had to say. If you do not get them to continue giving attention and TRACKING WITH YOU, you will lose them somewhere along the way.Attention control and the ability to keep someone tracking with you and interested in what you have to say is an entire skill in itself. There are many ways to get a person's attention. The important thing is to insure that you do get it, and continue to get it. One can simply ask if the person would be willing to listen to some things you wish to communicate. In other words, solicit agreement and willingness. Remember, a person's power of choice is just about senior to anything. So consult that power of choice often. Some people have very little attention, very little energy. If you want them to have some more, you will need to assist them to do so. Grasping a hand, giving a hug or even an "accidental" bumping into them can result in them having more attention in the present moment. Whatever it takes is the key. Both you and they have to have some attention for communication to occur.
DeliveryDelivery is the ability to project your communication into the consciousness of another so that it actually arrives.
IntentionThe word intention comes from two Latin words that literally mean "To Stretch Toward".Once you have a person's attention, you then intend them to duplicate and understand what you say. You mentally or psychically stretch toward them intending them to get your communication.
Matching the Person You Are Communicating WithTalk too fast and some people will leave. They may or may not physically leave, but their attention and consciousness will leave. When that occurs, they are for all intents and purposes gone. A gone person does not receive communication.This is also true if you speak too slow, too soft, too loud or too long. The idea is - match the person in front of you. This requires that you LOOK at them and see what is there and that you continue to look. For as you effectively communicate to them they will CHANGE. The person who could only have a little communication can now have a lot more. The one who had to have the communication slow and methodical can now have it much more rapidly. The person who was so timid that he would be destroyed by a loud powerful communicator can now take a particle flow from you that would have been destructive to him before. Much could be said and learned on this subject but, in brief, the idea is to track with and match the person in front of you. Communicate at a volume and speed that is comfortable for him. To do this you will have to be willing to stay very alert. Well, that is always true. He who would communicate must be alert.
Seeing Value and ImportanceThe most important element of good manners is the willingness and the wisdom to know and realize that the other person is valuable and important. Their viewpoint and their truth is a valid way of looking at life whether you agree with it or not. It is one of the things that can be thought and one of the ways things can be seen.If you choose to negatively judge their viewpoint at any time, you will inhibit your ability to communicate with them. It matters not if their truth matches the "Real Facts" of what occurred in the "Real World" or not. It matters not if it matches your truth. Your truth is yours and theirs is theirs. I am sure you would be less than pleased with someone who insisted, or even implied, that your point of view was not valid. Well, so will anyone else. People can become aware of more things, they can change and they can become cognizant of other truths, other viewpoints and more workable truths. However, for that to occur, they must be allowed to have the viewpoint they have without challenge. Then they can look at their viewpoints, evaluate them and change them IF THEY CHOOSE. It will always be their choice.
Being SafeMaking it safe to receive communication and give communication is vital if communication is to occur. This simply means that you will not negatively judge, ridicule or invalidate the person or their viewpoint at any time.
Understanding The Nature Of TruthWithout at least some understanding of what truth is, it is unlikely that good communication will continue for very long. There are basically four truths:
AcknowledgementsThe power of being able to properly acknowledge is astounding. It is a key element in communication. It enables you to practically create magic. This will of course only be true for you after you have experienced it to be true many times.When you acknowledge someone you are GETTING THEM TO BE CERTAIN THAT WHAT THEY WANTED YOU TO KNOW AND UNDERSTAND IS TRULY KNOWN AND UNDERSTOOD. If they KNOW WITH CERTAINTY that you got and understood what they wanted you to know, then you have acknowledged. If they DO NOT KNOW WITH CERTAINTY that you got and fully understood what they wanted you to know, then you have not acknowledged what they said, no matter what you said or did. An acknowledgment means KNOWLEDGE ABOARD. When a person is acknowledged he KNOWS that his knowledge is aboard in your consciousness. Getting a person to know that you got what he said and getting him to know that he knows, is very powerful. It is not accomplished by feeding back to him what he said. That can really create a mess. For it is almost certain that you will get it slightly misduplicated and that (excuse the expression) will piss him off. Pay attention, stay very alert and say "OK, GOT YA" or something simple like that, and you have a good chance of getting him to KNOW that you got what he said. But remember, if he does not KNOW, you have not yet acknowledged. A good acknowledgment completes a cycle of communication. It is done and complete. It's a breathing point, a point of success, a point of triumph. It is a realization that you succeeded in communicating. It is a point of clarity and, for a moment, the space and the atmosphere is clear, and nothing is going on. It is a vacuum, a clear space, separating one communication from another.
Half AcknowledgementIf a person looks over to you to see if you are tracking with what they are saying, give them a little nod or an "Uh Huh". This is a half acknowledgment. It lets them know you are still granting importance and value to what they have to say, and you are still with them. They are not done with what they have to say. They are on their way to getting there. They just want to know you are still with them. Let them know you are.
Premature AcknowledgementLike a premature ejaculation, a premature acknowledgment ruins the joy of the climax. It consists of your DISTRACTING the person's attention off of what they were saying. It is a DISTRACTION. It is a "Uh Huh" at the wrong time. It is a nod, a gesture, a grunt, anything that distracts. It can look like a half acknowledgment but it is not, because the person wasn't checking to see if you were with them. Their attention wasn't on you, it was on what they were saying. It's bad timing and it can mess up the flow of communication.
Handling Aberrative FactorsClear and check over, relative to someone you communicate with on a regular basis (such as your wife or husband), each of the following factors that can aberrate your communication. Take them one by one, and improve your communication skill by making sure you have fully handled each of the aberrations. (Be sure to have a very clear understanding of what aberration is and the difference between "Your truth" and "Another's truth.") From Dianetics 55 - Page 71
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