HANDLING VERBAL ATTACKS

The key to handling verbal attacks can be summed up in two lines:
  1. STUDY AND ADMIRE THE JOB THE ATTACKER IS DOING.
  2. THANK AND ACKNOWLEDGE THE ATTACKER FOR PRESENTING TO YOU THE OPPORTUNITY TO VIEW AND HANDLE SOMETHING YOU MIGHT OTHERWISE GO NEGATIVELY THE EFFECT OF.
Here is an approach that will assist you to pull this off.
  1. Realize that the person is attempting to produce a negative effect on you. He or she is inviting you to feel bad, guilty, fearful, or less than you are.
  2. Realize that this is an INVITATION. It is an invitation to feel or respond in a particular way. And since it is just an invitation, it is something you have the power to accept or reject. You can say, "Thank you for the invitation to feel afraid. It was a well created and well executed invitation. Thank you, but no thank you. I choose not to accept the invitation."
To achieve these realizations and this level of cause over the situation, you can do the following:
  1. Ask yourself, "What effect is this person trying to produce on me?"
  2. "How is he or she inviting me to feel?"
  3. "Is the person trying to get me to feel:
    Guilty?
    Afraid?
    Sad?
    Regretful?
    Ashamed?
    Embarrassed?
    or what?"
  4. Identify what effect or effects the person is attempting to have on you. Get interested.
  5. Study how well he or she is doing. Is the person doing a great job? Is the person really getting to you?
    If the answer is yes, say to yourself:
    "Ugh!!! Ya got me. Nice job."
    "Ohh!! That one really bit. Beautiful!"
    "All Right!!! Have you got this down pat.! You can really get a person to buy into this stuff. You are really good at it."
    ADMIRE THE GREAT JOB THE PERSON IS DOING. BUT DON'T JOIN IN THE WAR. DON'T TRY TO GET HIM OR HER BACK. DON'T FALL INTO THE TRAP OF GETTING CAUGHT UP IN THE WAR GAME. JUST STUDY AND ADMIRE, AND NOTE TO YOURSELF WHAT AFFECTS YOU SO YOU CAN WORK ON NOT BEING UNWANTED EFFECT. REMEMBER, IF YOU FAIL TO DEVELOP THE ABILITY TO COMFORTABLY OBSERVE THESE THINGS, SOMEONE WILL ALWAYS BE ABLE TO AFFECT YOU. ASK YOURSELF IF YOU WANT TO BE THE EFFECT OF THESE THINGS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE OR NOT. THEN WORK ON THEM.
    And if by chance you do get caught up in the game, just admire the great job the person did of pulling you into the game.
  6. Now, after the person is gone, check to see to what degree you bought into the invitations to create a negative feeling or effect. Applaud the great job he or she did. Clap your hands. Get a vision of a whole massive audience applauding the performance.
  7. Finally, IN YOUR MIND, genuinely thank the person for the service he or she did for you. For if that person got to you, then something was presented to you that you chose to go negatively the effect of. Or you were given a chance to observe something that you seemingly go automatically the effect of. An unconscious reaction was triggered which you now have the opportunity to look at consciously. Once it is available consciously, you can view it and change it at will. As long as it remains hidden, there is little you can do.
    Thus, you have the opportunity to see that person's actions as a true service to you.
    It is good to remember that people you love the most are normally the ones who can affect you the most, because you have invested yourself in these people, and what they think or say matters to you. Upsets are proportional to the amount of love and affinity created. The more love, the greater the possible upset, and conversely, the greater the joy when you handle these things.
These exercises are SIMPLE. They are not necessarily EASY, but the rewards are great. They are very fundamental to a happy life.

Take this approach and this attitude and I think you will find life a lot more enjoyable.

 
John Michael Rafanello
WonderTech's Chief Visioneer
Written 17 September 1991
 
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