CREATING A SAFE SPACE
a Vital Skill

The ability to crate a safe space at will may well be one of the most vital skills needed to create an ongoing successful relationship. In fact, failure to give this skill the attention and the work it merits may well be the reason one forever fails to achieve the ideal one has envisioned.

As I write this I find myself carefully considering what I need to do to entice the reader into a willingness to develop this skill as a top priority in his or her life.

When one sets out to achieve an objective, there are certain priorities to each thing one does. There are:

  • VITAL STEPS
    Vital means, if you do not do it, the objective will not be achieved.
  • IMPORTANT STEPS
    These steps are key to achieving the ideal. They vary from very important to just important.
  • DESIRABLE STEPS
    These are the things one desires. They can be important, really important, or they can be trivial relative to the objective. They, of course, vary from person to person. What is really desirable to a wife may not be desirable to a husband and vice versa. It is important to know that people value things differently.
In my experience, I would say that there are three VITAL subjects relative to the objective of creating an ideal relationship. They are:
  • REAL LOVE
  • COMMUNICATION SKILLS and
  • THE CREATION OF A SAFE SPACE.

THE KEY PRINCIPLES

The first things to KNOW and be REALLY CLEAR about regarding this subject are:
  1. If you do not create a safe space you will not have one.
  2. If your mate DOES NOT FEEL SAFE, you have not created a safe space for him or her.
  3. If you do not feel safe, then YOU have not created a safe space for yourself.
  4. Demanding that the other person create a safe space for you DOES NOT WORK and will contribute to an unsafe space. (This principle is often the most overlooked and most often forgotten.)

WHAT IS A SAFE SPACE?

The first step in being able to create a safe space for yourself or anyone else is a crystal clear understanding of what it is.

Now, risking the accusation that this is a sarcastic or obvious statement, it is never-the-less true that:

A SAFE SPACE IS A SPACE IN WHICH PEOPLE FEEL SAFE.

People do not feel threatened. They do not feel judged. They do feel cared for and loved. They do feel you are hearing and understanding what they say and how they feel. They do feel that you are understanding "Their Truth" and you are not trying to make your truth or physical universe truth senior to (or better than) theirs.

If you are creating a safe space for yourself, all of these things are also true. You do not threaten yourself. You do not judge yourself or put yourself down. You do care for and love yourself, you do understand what you are saying and you have respect for your truth.

 

HOW TO CREATE A SAFE SPACE

The first and most vital step is to not negatively judge the individual. This means not judge by word, deed, expression or telepathic thought.

In the Wonderworld Master's Course, an entire, program and series is devoted to this subject.

The key points are these:

  1. You can judge a person against anything. Any moral code, any ethical code, any religious code, any standard or idea, any "supposed to" ... anything.
  2. Most of us have mastered the ability to negatively judge ourselves and others. We have graduated from the "Ability To Judge" course with honors. We are Summa Cum Laude! We have completed our internship. We have amassed countless years of experience and have come, at last, to the ability to effectively judge ourselves and others both consciously and unconsciously. Boy are we good at this!
  3. Judgment creates separation. Judging someone against any standard separates you from the person, group or subject you are judging. It reduces your affinity and thus your love. One of the workable definitions of affinity is, a consideration of how much distance you want or will tolerate between you and a person, group or thing. When you really love someone you want them very close to you. You like to hug them and be with them. The sexual act can even be considered an attempt to occupy the same space. To spiritually occupy the same space and have the same attitudes and feelings is a prime objective and this, to a great degree, is love.
When you dislike or even hate someone based on your judgments of who and what you consider them to be, you want them separate and far away from you. Hence the impulse to tell them to "Go to H____," which is a long way off.

The key point here is that judgment creates separation. Negatively judge what a person says or does, or even an attitude or opinion the person has, and you will separate from him to some degree. To some degree love will decrease.

This is not to say that we should not judge. That would be a judgment of judgment. This is simply to point out what does happen when we judge. Separation is what happens. So if you want separation, judge. If you don't want it, don't judge.

There is more that can be said and known about the creation of a safe space, but if we can simply understand these key points and learn to judge less, we will have made a lot of progress.

 
John Michael Rafanello
WonderTech's Chief Visioneer
 
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